I had a real ego set back and my feelings hurt today. I am two months into my job search and on the second interview with a company I would like to work with. When I was fired in January, I called all my major customer's and asked if they would be a reference for me as I go through the interviewing process. Since speaking to some of these people, I have had my wife ask for a divorce, Dr.'s tell me that the symptoms my son has (2 years old) suggest that he will only live into his twenties at best. I guess I sort of knew that was likely but, my world was spinning off its axis. I have done so much over the last 6-8 weeks to try to gain my confidence back and create some positive energy in my life. So far I have been heading in the right direction. I play Sinatra's "Thats Life" every time I get in my car and it's sort of become my mantra. I tell my friends and family when they ask "how are you doing?" like the song says my face is not flat on the pavement but close, I have fortunately peeled it off the pavement and now I am trying to get to my knees. I have been eating healthy, working out, reading, playing my guitar and mandolin again and basically trying to become me again. So today I am calling all these people who I have had relationships with for the last 7 years and letting them know that they might be receiving a call from this company who I am advancing in the interview process with. Let me start by mentioning the Dog Town Mafia who you will come to know is an account which I have only worked with for 2 years, so maybe the roots didn't take. They are the most important in Alabamrie. So I call my three most important customers, my significant account in Tennessee said they would do what they could to help. My boss from my job 7 years ago said he would be glad to give me a positive reference. I also had a customer much better spoken and professional than the gooduns on the backbone so I asked his help. So I added another guy to my list after this bomb went off in my life around lunchtime. So then I call my best and my ex companies best customer in Alabama, who when I was fired said they "would be happy to help me in any way they could." They are backwoods fucks from Dog Town, AL, but with low overhead and frankly no scruples they really do some volume. Typical as I like to say "Rednecks done good" but more than that I liked the son who was the buyer I worked with, The Dad and the other Brother were just down right provincial. So I call and say "Scott, I was just calling to let you know that I might have a company calling for a business reference in the near future and I wanted to let you know who it is." He said "Well I have decided that I am not comfortable with doing that anymore." I was shocked nauseous scared bewildered not to mention mad as hell. He says "you snuck an order in on us when you were leaving and I don't think I want to be a reference for you>" again flabergasted I said Scott "I am confused" I am not sure what your talking about one, and maybe you could explain your change of heart to me." "We(Goobers mafioso) have talked with some other people and it happened to them too." Now I am completely panicked and adrenaline is spiking in my brain. I said "I would appreciate it if you would tell me who else is bad mouthing me." So Mr. Gullible says "well we have our sources" at this point I want to reach through the phone and beat the living snot out of the smart ass. The sources prove to be the guy, excuse me! snake oil selling weasel who took my place. I couldn't believe that in 2 months a guy was willing to help me any way he could to giving me some lecture on my integrity based on what this new guy was saying. Out of sight and they are out of their feeble minds. I have worked in business situations where I have taken someone's place before and admit it is partly natural and partly vindictive to lay the blame for any rough patches on the guy that left or that got canned. It turns out "Quick Draw" replacement scab has been calling me a little SOB who created all these messes. Not real suprised by that. But my respectable customers told me what he had been saying. Here is the best part, did I mention that they guy they hired was my ex-partners Brother. Nothing funny going on there huh, "My boss says it not your numbers its your relationships with certain customers"as he fires me. the same Booger eatin' boss whose management philosophy was "just make your numbers." He wOuldn't tell me which ones I had failed. My partner that I knew ultimately only cared about his success his awards and money, but had no idea he was a Machiavellian fuck really disappointed me. Working an angle with Slick brother bill. Man the people that let you down in life. Like the song says you can only "trust your Mama and Jesus, and they could be jiving too." It turns out that The Dad from Dog Town, AL when told by my partners brother("Quick Draw") of his interest in my job made inroads for all this to happen by letting my boss know how good a team he thought DAVe and Slick would make. Let me mention Quick Draw was a competitor of mine and I was beating his brains out. There is more to this sordid nepotism inspired story. I worked with the guy who took my place, son for a year. I want to make this quick and not ramble on because he is a days blog in himself. Never mind here's the ramble. I liked to call him Titty Baby, he was a helpless human being. Void of any intelligence, but hard working. The harder he worked the harder it was for me to clean up his messes. My boss(Booger eater) would call about some problem and say "I talked to so and so and he is so mad," I would have to cut him off mid sentence and say No Gare Bear that was Titty baby who did that, I have already talked with so and so and we are going to lunch today and try to find a way to work it out. My Boss had never been a boss before and his head was spinnin with high RPM's 24/7. At times I think he was medicated to slow the engines a bit. I think my boss is ADD like Titty baby too, I know it is a modern plague but man when it hits home ouch! I would have to ask him to "write this down in my file that you were confused about who the culprit of these problems were so the next time you will remember it wasn't me." It was at least once a month him calling ranting about new things or issues from the past that I was not involved in in the least. . A boss and a partner though they have never been diagnosed, were ADD and I certainly worked harder at communicating with the overwhelmed saps. Titty Baby was certainly a level above no attention span. If you said more than two of three sentences and were pausing for his response, you would almost have to snap your fingers to que him that it was his turn to talk, inevitibaly he would need what we were discussing repeated. The same thing in business calls, if I was in the room my customers would just sort of hang their mouths open witha perplexed look, then I would translate to Pauli baby what his customer was asking him for or wanted. By the way this is the furniture business not brain surgery, in a nut shell we are talking about an old school consumer product and like so many companies and manufacturers in this business we were lacking competent business people. The industry is in a perpetual transition with the emergence of China and all their production capabilities;ie cheap labor no environmental regulations. Most retailers and Manufacturers are doing buisness as old fashion arhaeic fucks. Many are now in the past tense. Word to the consumer! you can get more furniture than you ever could for less b/c of the dumping the Chinese have done and in just the last 10 years they now own what was a nice little family industry in the States. Another word for the wise if you want to buy furniture cheap and pretty decent brands go up on the backbone of Alabama to Dog Town, and Skippy, Barney and Aunt Bee will make you a great deal. Man, there are deals in the backwoods, guns and wild dogs, family trees that don't branch, and limited gene pools creating some mean ole boys and girls. But hey you can get a hell of deal on furniture.
If there is a moral for me to learn in this story it is that you need to call and re-call your references before mentioning them becasue some people reserve the right to change their creton minds and potentially screw you for no good reason. Its just the fun of the fucking I suppose.
The tough part about keeping my chin up is that on the application with the company I mentioned earlier I listed the boys from Dog Town as a solid reference. My third interview is tomorrow with the Senior VP of Sales for this company, Not furniture business praise the lord. Its close to reference time if they haven't already called them they might soon if they are going to hire me. I did not put their phone numbers on the app. but I did put city and business names as contacts. Man why can't we all get along in Satan's corporate struggle. Oh yea it fucking the Devil man.
The guy who took my place used to have the nickname in the business of "Quick Draw." One because he's a gunslinger that cheats to get ahead of the competition and the other reason he has the alias is that as soon as he gathers his draw money before he has to create commisions he's gone woosh! to another company. The fact that my Boss didn't know his history and that the Sharks of Dog Town who do know him were rubbing themselves down with all that little River snake oil puzzles me. I am back to repeating the statement about my divorce, What A stupid I am. Anyway my fragile but still gaining confidence psyche took another blow today and it smarted. The only thing I know is if the Lords of Dog Town, Alabama screwed me on this? it won't happen again, I pray they don't enter into the equation, because this is a really good gig if I can land it. I really more than anything had my feelings hurt its hard to find out that people don't like you when you truly thought they did. like a little Titty Baby I am wounded. I need my baba! It is difficult to know what people really think about you and I am certainly of the mindset to say I really don't Give a Bull Hockey, but when your life and livlihood can be effected by some fools up on the hill it is scary and sad. So enough of that I am going to be a super confident, considerate, engaging interviewee tomorrow and even if the Boys up on the Backbone of Alabama have had a run at my ruin, I'll be damned, DagBlamed and errything else if those fools are going to add any more weight to my world. Wish me luck. Pray, chant, practice whatever you do to send positive vibrations my way make them irie. I need to be on the cloud not having it hover over me with all its darkness. Peace from soon to be divorced dad who is unemployed, but I did learn a Doc Watson song today on my GUit Fiddle.

D cubed was my neo adolescent to Teenage philosophy of life. Basically anything I needed to know about life, love, mysticism God and man could easily be discerned from emersing myself in the deep blue sea of transcendental music namely Dylan, the Doors, and the Grateful Dead. Morrison certainly a little apocalyptic at times but very real, earthy, reptillian, and exciting. I am only 36 so The Doors were bigger than life for me unattainable. So were Dylan and Jerry but combined I have traveled the lower 48 and seen them live around 150 times so I have bopped in their dust many times. Morrison is like a viceral ghost. I read every book, every archived article at the public library whatever. Rumaged for import records,I miss used record stores and LPs in general. Maybe just the good ole days like the 70s and early 80's. I love punk, gospel, funk, indigenous world music, bluegrass, Rock in all its splendor, Bach, and then there was Jazz oh my... Jazz it keeps on giving it is like the universe ever expanding it seems infinite in the wonders it offers. I started listening to Jazz late in High School. Jerry did it to me everything interesting about the Dead is their low country boil of a music stew. All the flavors they put forward in their Music are Jazz at the Core, the Dark Star. They are R and B, traditional blues, Scots Irish, merangue, Bluegrass, Pop, Rock and Roll, Minstrels of the world, gypsies but it is far out Jazz that turned on the whole Bay area scene. Miles turned everyone on. Not to mention Trane, Bird, Duke Mingus Wow.!!!! I could write all night the 100s of names, Billie, Ella it just never stops and the music never stopped. Monk oh Heavens to Betsy. I started playing my Grandmoms 78's, stacks of them from the garage, Gershwin, Cole Porter, The Big Bands especially Krupa, Duke, Count Basie. It would make my Grandmom so happy to hear those scratched up records and she would always give some silly little movement when they skipped. She had what many might consider a tough life but her spirit prevailed. My Grandmom is the Squared in in the Miles cubed world view. She never tried she was. The tao of Margie, She never waxed on and steeped herself in intellectualism yet all her Grand children and kids saw her in some special Dali lama type light, she was support, unconditional love, discipline, truth joy and pain. I respect women so much because of her. The men in my life were pretty much hard working emotional zombies. She had a traditional role she was a nurse, but greater than that she was in my world a Shaman healer of souls and I know she is the guardian angel for my Son Miles age 2 severely disabled low tone with a unknown neurological illness stumping the whole of the great Medical world. Vanderbilt, Johns Hopkins, Baylor, Emory all of them. But he is happy and beautiful not just to me. He has wonderful Blue Eyes that work but the cortical message can't be delivered. Long beautiful Blond Hair and the smiles, man Miles of Smiles smiles Miles in the Sky. Miles Davis was an inigma a genius no less just like my son. We are so blessed for his demeanor so many special needs kids; little guys and girls are uncomfortable and seemingly unhappy as are so many special needs adults. I love special needs as a term because we are all souls with special needs that only our maker or our past lives or Karma is trying to fulfill. Miles1 is Grandmom, Her maiden Name Miles from Crowley Lousiana Mysticism reigns in those rice fields on the Bayou. My Grandmama who was and still is, Miles Davis2 the alpha and omega of america's greatest art form many say our only if you incorporate Blues and I might add African to the America. I am just a white boy from ALabama but my roots because of the plots I have roamed might be Scots and French but they are Southern. The South is a jambalaya very rich in flavor and texture in all the duality that goes with how people view us. We are Cherokee, Creek, Choctow,Scots Irish, the entire west coast of Africa, Acadian, French, Spanish and many more in our stew and thats why we are so colorful and wonderful in our traditions. Leave racism and George Wallace and all that crap to your generalized Anthology views of the south. All that crap happened, and rednecks still live in their stupidity everywhere. Most of them have some blood they can't explain down the line. If you live down here and happened to have relationships with anybody of any ilk who is proud to be who they are you understand. If you are a decendent of a slave and own your own company or have raised kids and helped them thru college you damn right your proud. If your Great Great Great Grandad fought for the Confederacy and ownned no slaves and thought that Jefferson Davis was a hypocrite. The kind of aristocrat you left Scotland because of but, you and yours weren't having any government invade Tennessee and kill his friends and brothers on your watch. If you died at Shiloh from grape shot wounds damn right your people have a right to be proud of where they come from. I thank God for people like Dr King who stirred what some around here would call trouble. Struggle is growth like seeds thrusting their fists through the soil towards heaven. He forced the silent majority of White folks(not openly racist but not fighting it) to choose sides, they didn't like it but they were forced out of their apathy. We chose the right side. Are you gonna bomb churches and kill little girls, stand in School doors and embarrass every other Alabamian alive or are you going to say "you know what? it is about time for Civil Rights" Oh Yea and Abe Lincoln was a war monger who took the high ground. But thank God for the Emancipation Proclamation. There is duality in everything.
Sorry that southern thing creeps in all the time. Its real and its us.
So my world view is evolving and everything I know and stand to learn fits in with what Miles Cubed offers. It peace, love, diversity, joy and pain sunshine and rain. Its all improvising in space between beats and occasionally flying free form into the space. Peace Ya'll. My son, my grandmama, Miles the teachers.

Mama said don't go near that river. No one could steer me right but Mama tried. I am a breathing Merle Haggard song, lonesome and a long way from home. On the 1st day of the year I got a call from my boss he said the times were changing and he wouldn't need my services anymore. I became a prospective employee of Satan. I smoked a lot of weed for the first time in years. I played video games and went hiking almost everyday for about a month. I had never lost a job even the ones I have hated. Not that Corporations are Satan just the majority of them. My wife is a teacher, she doesn't understand working for the man(when you are tenured pressure is a wee bit different) and getting paid well for it, or how it can abruptly come to an end. She woke up around the the second week of February as I slept in and on her way out the door said, SatchmoSugarBritchesHippieFool I am filing for divorce today I have already spoken with my agent of Satan and the papers are drawn up and I am "resolute" in my decision. "I don't want any therapy or separation b/c I have prayed about this and I am Ok" With what? with being a greedy snooty little butthole, who kicks her man to the curb at his weakest moment ever. Seven years and a two year old boy all vapor now. Shocked, befuddled, nauseous, depressed, for better or worse richer or poorer, yea yeayea. She was a rich girl and I somehow thought that wouldn't matter when we jumped off the cliff of love. It did, she got scared that maybe... I don't know I would never work again? I have had jobs since I was 10 years old. The fear permeated to her handlers and syndicators who rallied the militia and made it easy enough for a clean break for her and a complex compound skin breaking fracture for me, not to mention the staff infection and hallucinations to follow. I was actually enjoying the time off and having fun with my job search. As I gathered myself and began walking on the sunny side of the street.Boom,Woops I signed my scorecard incorrectly I have been DQ'd from a supportive relationship. Hello heartache you ole friend here we go again. I should have known. Idgit! What a stupid I am! She was from the Country Club in Illinois and I was from the campground in Alabama. Bankers are not good fishermen they just want part of the catch. Muddy in the Bank, or money or whatever. There had been problems not the least of which was our love life. She is the only lover I have ever had that would tell me to stop and slow down because I was too big! I wish. I don't know if that is diplomacy or lack of libido. It turns out the lack of libido thing had been discussed, but when we dated, we had great....well maybe not great b/c she did that other thing that all men think is great and it sure makes you feel like the King. The King left the building about six months into the tied knot. Because of my average maybe a little above I had developed other talents. She never even liked what all my other girlfriends were obsessed with. I have a long tongue with and amazing pointed tip. It was great for performance anxiety, the rest of the action was just a bonus. I learned how to find the spot with Tarabull from Muscle Shoals and have been pretty good at finding ever since. It actually grossed her out. So the frustration very sexual in nature I have been experiencing for years has not helped my manly world view of myself. We haven't touched each other since the day I was fired. She also doesn't like kissing I mean she never has. Of Cousrse I love to kiss, but I thought oh I can get used to not kissing too. I guess the obligatory loving for the provider had been 86'd. I should thank her for dumping me taking the house 1/2 of my lifes work and going back to her little neurotic utopia and to inherit the Farm literally. Was the farm what I loved I have to wonder, I feared the Farm stacks of beans and corn and what not. "The richest farm land in the midwest." But "its not mine its ours," honeyfoolidgifreak. I didn't know that our life would be directed by the Farm and its Board. Her Dad who retired from the bank at 50, he was bought out fired etc. not worth his salary, and b/c he was rich he didn't need to find another job, the Mom who never worked but claims her 10 month project giving personality test to school kids which would tell them what they should grow up to be was a career, I can just hear her "Well I am just trying to say you can never be a scientist b/c you are a MI, you should be a beautician no need to apply to MIT Johnny," I always get a kick she meets people for the first time say at a cocktail party and out of the blue she says "well thats because you are a SE(Sanguine Extrovert)," the expression on peoples faces and there immediate need to get the hell away from her has always been hysterical, and she would be oblivious to their reaction. "Well we are very social people, but we don't feel the need to keep up with the Joneses." No the Joneses, Butlers, Ashcrofts et etc etc. For example;They have a new years day party every year and invite over 200 people. They send out over 300 Christmas cards each year. All include a two page letter stating what has transpired in the last year of their lives, like the trip to Thailand, and Africa etc etc." I asked her one time do you really consider all these people friends? Her reply "Well we have known a lot of People in Chicago, Bloomington, and Peoria and we all stay in touch." I don't want that many friends and I am not goofy enough to think that every acquaintance I have ever had in my life wants to hear me pontificate on my wonderful life every year. Knowing very well that those folks are a little goofy. Then there is the strange lawyer brother,with his really freaky nervous tick. It is funky throat thing he does through his nose with his mouth closed. I guess sort of like scratching your throat with a vibration that is nasally audible. I can't quite put it into words. The Lawyer who never worked for a firm and instead held on to Basketball coaches flunky roles and his ex-coach buddies who now have jobs. He definitely liked locker rooms and 6'10" young men who can rock the rim from what I could tell. He drives an awesome new Corvette convertible, but drives real slow, I mean real slow 65 70 tops. Great Car great condo in A town I imagine Farm money I don't think he was a point shaver. He is a nice looking guy but my soon to be ex tells me he has never had a girlfriend. Never went to dances, never went on dates. I think again if I had a law degree from Vandy a Corvette and Farm money I probably would not have married the soon to be ex. Don't get me wrong my character is in question here too. He is manifest Real life 40 year old Virgin? He does go to Vegas with the boys a couple times a year so maybe not. I have seen Hot women hit on him and I don't think there was a Fermone emitted. My sister is a Chef and good looking, he claims to be a gourmet for fun. So they are having a conversation and he is strictly business, flirtatiousness not possible. He is so non emotional stoic boring analytical a goober head. He is smart I mean he read all of Churchills memoirs oh what I am trying to say that he is probably gay and so is my wife. And what the hell happened to them in childhood. What does that make me a Lesbian no just a stupid. My sister tells me later that night "you know he is gay". I am like what? She said no not openly. Validating her suspicions with her profound gaydar developed over the years working in the Restaurant business. So I tell her I always wondered what the hell was going on. After I realized that he many times bashed the PDA of gays in A town I had that "American Beauty" moment. The Banker Dad is a recovered Alcholic but hyper and tempermental beyond belief. Seems Bi-polar he jumps from calm and genuine to frazzled and vindictive in an instant. They have money, didn't earn it and are obsessed with not losing it. I suppose that is natural. The Mom is the key to the whole family nuclear fallout. She is affectionately known as the "General". Nothing in their life flys without the Generals signature. It is breakfast a 8:00, you have a tee time at 9:30 if you can't get through with 18 by noon you have to leave the course in the middle of your round and be cleaned up and seated for lunch at 12:00 noon, you will be allotted 1 hour of free time from 2:00 until 3:00 at 4:00 there will be hors doevers and cocktails. Which is strange because nobody in the family drinks, my soon to be ex does just not at her handlers place. So at least I have the green light to start swilling single malts to take the edge off the pretense. They eat dinner in Coat and Tie and I have offended by just wearing a button down shirt at times. Of yea no sex ever if her parents are in the house ours or theirs. They are notorious for staying for a week. I almost got it on with the Uncles girlfriend after a bunch of Bourdeaux. She is a gorgeous 50 something and the Uncle is great fun and frankly cool. They also drink to survive family outings. So on these occasions lot of time in the office handling my business and thinking maybe there is something to look forward to at 50. The General and the Banker can make putting up a shower curtain a week long project with more planning than goes on at the Pentagon. So what a stupid I am, thinking that somehow these neurosis were just quirks I could grit my teeth and bear. Not my cross to bear anymore. This little lady that I loved bailed on me instantly after 7 years of high commissions world travel huge penis everything. I didn't mention that I really didn't know how rich she was until a couple of months before the nupts she sprang the pre-nup on me. Ouch! but wait it was sort of wow! too. Needless to say my Folks and friends all gave me the look you would give someone you cared about before slipping them into a straight jacket and hurling them into the paddy wagon. She was much more loaded than I could have guessed, but "a couple million doesn't go that far anymore." Their words the handlers. It took me seven years to realize that everything my soon to be ex said or thought was transcribed by her people. I am so not without blame in this thing not just being a stupid I am, but I have passively and aggressively resented all of the crap for years. I am sure I thought at some point the money would make life more simple. But "little I know'd that thers only one rich man in ten with a satisfied mind." It chipped away at us but any day now I shall be released from what now seems like a farce. It hurt to have her take everything and I am still unemployed and living in the guest bedroom, probably have to take a job I don't want. Her Dad came and stayed in a Hotel for a week, then her Mom, Then her Brother, then Mom again. These people love a project. Her Mom never even set foot in our House or her house whatever. They hired the best law firm in town so funny, I am telling them I have a lawyer but I am trying to use my Uncle in AL so as not go into any further debt. Amazing how that teacher salary goes such a long way. Her support system like the World Bank, She has books lying around the house with titles like, "Re-Building your Life" "How to survive Divorce" "Marry a Rich guy with a Little TT" anyway.... I just keep having that Zimmy song running through my mind over and over again and I can't believe that "I am seeing the real you at last" and I am also finding the real me and still but still searching got to keep digging. This all will pass, like a large kidney stone but it will pass. I have stories to tell and demons to kill, I am going to have a lot of time with me in the near present. I will tell you about Miles and what Miles cubed is further on down the road. I didn't mention all these people are caring loving people just speaking it in a foreign tongues. Enough about the tongue! Peace>