I am a fisherman though I haven't been fishing in probably a year or so. I am also a golfer who hasn't played in 6 months. I don't think of myself as a talented musician yet I play everyday and work on songs I am writing. When I play my guit-fiddle and although I truly know I can't sing , when I play my songs for people they think I am great, but I don't accept it for some reason. Samsara I suppose. But it is mostly because I am playing for them not me. Ilike to see people enjoy anything I am doing. I had a great peice of trout with a corn, field pea an sundried tomato type chutney or something on top. THe Rainbow sat on a square, rectangle or whatever on what I used to call fried grits. My Grandad used to eat these he would put leftover grits in the fridge and they would congeal then for breakfast or snack or whatever he would cut out a square and throw some butter in a skillet and crisp up nice and brown on the outside. Hard to mess that up if you are goodle boy like me own self. OF course to get a culinary step up going w/the trout there was some arugala greens with Goat cheese and caremelized red oninons a little vinagrette. Oh yes Trout....Catch and Release. It is a way to be and accept the universe and accept the mind. Accept its conventions, to know feelings, trust them on a certain level and then release them hopefully as soon as you realize you are feeling them and whatever little physiological things that might be happening with them. Let it go. Through Meditation I am beginning to be more aware of my moods, conditioned thinking, and feelings. I think over the last year I have just tried to not feel bad things and hope that more good feeling would come around. So now learning again the closterphobia of silence, "the unbearable lightness of being"...I digress Gosh I love Kundera he relates so much to what the flesh world wants in permananence and knows how we torture our souls. You know like addiction on any level is basically samsara and the mind saying the more of this... the more good feeling I will have and I don't have to deal with bad feelings. The universe says oh really? so bad feelings not felt properly keep mounting and in turn make you move toward more of what you think is good feeling.Samsara, they dang cycle. When I speak of addiction we all have dozens even the more enlightened folks among us. Whether it is pot or heroin, sex or food, adrenaline, playing music, talking, writing.. it is when we attach that if we don't have more of those things then we are going to be sad or uncomfortable. Which is avaiding discomfort and ironically is causing more discomfort. In the catch and release program which is a law in the universe. It says and you are going to a prison(of the soul) much tougher than the horrific underfunded structures that take up so much space in this great country, full of bags of bones, and yet even in those places their are some people shining vibrating Gods love, accepting their feelings, forgiving themselves and others and society and the physical world that put them there.

I am able to do it more and more. It usually starts with that Wild Horse mind of mine jetting and locking on to something from the past or wrestling to get into the future. I am aware enough now to feel changes in my body, as the mind sets glands to firin' etc. but through practice and unknowing I know I can let it go if I just lock into the moment ask for peace and breath, Instead of letting it mess with Dopamine, adrenaline, testosterone stop it before it creates that chaos it is so addicted to. Like seeing the girl who reminds you of someone you miss having sex with or even better someone your mind just told you will better than that girl you miss.. because of how she moves or smiles and oozes that stuff we boys just freaking love, which is really just women.... but our mind says it is penetration and tongues lashing. To feel it happening when you see her is ok in fact it is perfect. To hold on to it and let it go to adrenaline,, hell in my case near erection, is attachment and Samsara. You see something and it reminds you of something that hurts or someone hurting. To feel that is real...or solid and to hold on to it and let it tighten your jaw, twist your stomach, send the body into full on fight or flight is bad and you have to let it go. You have to let it go once you know you are feeling it and let it go before it seems solid in your world. To live you have to feel pain both physical and emotional the level to which you are attached to it is in your control. Catch the feeling allow it to resonate but don't give it the strength of a Rocky Mountain. By feeling everything and maybe more importantly the uncomfortable things... we exist... because it has nothing to do with the physical world, feelings are spiritual including anger, resentment, Just acknowledge that and release it and back to your breath, and saying hey that is just a feeling a thought. That calmness of mind that comes with sitting and meditating, of course peace doesn't always come, but it comes more often with practice. That calmness allows us to know love and compassion. By releasing these feelings we can go back to the moment... and unattached we can look at the stranger, the world,see our soul as friends again and go back that whatever was happening with those thoughts that created feeling you just took control of again.. Feelings are not going to go away, But with that perfect grip not too loose not to tight.( Sam Snead the great golfer used to say hold the golf club not to firm not too tight picture yourself holding a bird you have to hold it tight enough so it doesn't squirm away but not too tight to harm it) we manage our way back to loving ourselves and more importantly everything else around us, which I think any person on a religious or even slightly spiritual journey knows that loving honestly and focusing on others makes it come back to us so damn fast and should be a reminder we don't have to be that patient we just have to be and love and as many places as we can. Do yo' best.

I am spending a lot of time in the catch and release program it does serve the greater good of the whole just like letting that big spawning female go back into the ecosystem. My current job is a constant practice with this idea. I find myself attached to how I am feeling about it from the time I tighten my noose until I am home. Attached to laziness, frustration, rejection, needing to make solid what this so called work is providing for me, can I afford to go on more dates, oh and some of my favorite feelings or at least most lived, is this all there is?, what does this sales peddling have to do with the universe? and how I am making a difference, I should (world worst word bar none.....should, you hear you should, you think I should) well hell there is no should it is what it is or else do it and let the fuck go of should. Should is a bitch with a mean bite. So for the grace of God and the holy buddha universal undconditional love Chi, Feel those things but freaking quickly let them go. Something else is coming and its good and bad. YIN YANg. Now is all there is and it just went and we are back to now. I think of the first time I ever caught a Trout on a fly rod is was on the Yellowstone River one of the mose over fished and unfortunately hard places to catch a fish. I had spent weeks just learning to cast and I had no expectations of catching a fish on the Yellowstone. I had a friends rod and was off one summer day... so what the heck it was the nearest river. I am out throwing it in the wind stuggling but way in the moment and by the way that nature out there people keeps you where you are nicely, the air, the creatures, the mountains ah yes. I think the great outdoors is important everywhere just the magnitude of the Great West scream hey stay in the moment a little louder so does the beach. A guy older guy who is anglin down the way comes by and I make fun of myself about I am just a Bass fishin redneck. He laughs and says you are doing pretty well. "I say I know nobody catches anything around here" and he says "I have never come into the park without catching something" He was from some small little town on the Idaho side. He says you see that eddie over there hit it three times in a row you'll catch something." I give it a whirl by the first time I hit it he is back to the car park and loading up. I look to see where he is after I hit it the first time. Then the next time I try of course I miss my spot as he is driving off I hit the spot for what is the third time in a row and soon as that damn fly hit the water bang a brownie, Holy shit halleluyah emotion spike bliss hoofuckinray nobody saw it I looked up and his car is just on the horizon in the valley.....So what in the hell is that, not hell I can tell you because hell is here too on this plane but that was cosmic that was god that was believing what this man told me, he destroyed my convention and I think was practicing Bodichitta or maybe he was a warrior. That is not freaking irony people its vibing in the glory of love and bliss and the God or the universe whatever floats your fly giving it back b/c you believed it. I save the fly and let the fish go, nobody catches a fish on the Yellowstone Bullshit, and the more we live you know its all bullshit, propaganda for the few, convention is garbage and it will stink your mind up to high heavens. I just believed for an instance. Convention says greedy Fisher people in the twenties brought in Canadian Cuttthroats and put them in the lake and then these tasty fun to catch teethed bastards ate all the other Trout of existence, then greedy fisherman/ Tourist parked their cars on the river and fished away and never caught and released and therefore when Bo gets to Yellowstone after the fires in 1989 no chance he can catch a brownie in the Yellowstone River. I didn't believe the book at least for just one minute and had an experience that is the grace of God almost instantly. That is a memory worth holding on to. Catch and release all those thoughts especially bad ones the ones that remind you that you are a part of it all and remind you that you are wonderful and beautiful and vibing with God let them stay a little longer and just remember that the bad thoughts are coming back don't be scared of them and don't accept them as real. Real is unexplainable, karma, irony is real, coincidence not real nor the concept but syncing with the universe. Its not coincidence that allowing negative beliefs about yourself or the world to remain and do their spiritual and physiological things brings more of them into your life, why because you give them that opportunity you believe the lies. Likewise its not coincidence when you are focusing on loving others and honestly loving yourself that cosmic bliss shows up because you believe its real. Sly and the Family would say "I caught you smilin again, I caught you smiling again" Hold onto the smile fish admire it know its yours be aware its going back into the river but you and hopefully someone else will catch it again. I love you and you love me. Peace out of mind.